Choosing Joy

This year, as you might imagine, I am not feeling especially Thankful.  Thanksgiving is supposed to be about being grateful for what you have.  It is supposed to be a time to appreciate life and give praise for all the wonderful gifts we have been given.  This year I have an interesting tug of war going on. 

On one hand, I am overwhelmed and beyond thankful for all the wonderful people who have stood by me and my family and helped us through this journey, but on the other, I just can’t get past what I don’t have this year.  I actually find myself falling back into the ‘shock’ stage of grief today.  I really can’t believe today is Thanksgiving and Owen did not wake us up this morning.  I can’t believe his Thanksgiving outfit will just hang in his closet, we will not take a family walk this morning and I can’t image what dinner will be like without him tonight. 

I truly have so much to be Thankful for, I really do.  I have an amazing husband, beyond words extraordinary.  I have parents who, without fail, continue to pick me up and walk by my side.  I have a sister who has never let me down and encourages my every step.  I have in-laws you would be jealous of and a niece and two nephews who love their Aunt.  I have a system of friends and family that have weaved a blanket of support to catch us when we fall.  But if I’m honest, today I feel so empty.  My house, arms, my heart, all empty.  But I chose Joy.  My sister has always said that, it’s kind of like her motto.    As hard as it is, that’s all I have control over right now; I can choose to have Joy in my life.   So today, I will surely waiver, but I will light Owen’s candle and choose to smile when I look into the flame.  I know Owen is in heaven today looking down on his Mommy and Daddy, sending us his love and being Joyous with us on this Thanksgiving Day.